Black and white

Once again,i see that old familiar panorama... A dark edged brim leading both to the world underneath and to the broadway horizon. I have been to this edge,i know,but of how i came to this place and how to take away myself from this place,that way i have no idea at all. But one thing i appreciate on this place is the tranquility,though, above, birds are so confused where they are leading to,whether to find a rest or to enjoy the breeze while the sunlight is still possessing the place as it makes a salmon scattering paint on the sky.

Then,i hear a huge echo of agony,but i scarcely see anything least those creautures on the sky. It roars,gradually shaking the earth, i feel a bit dizzy of how myself dance with the swinging earth.with one hand gripping a rod,i start moving away from that sound but every step i make just digs a whole to the ground... I see the mud forming boots on my feet,if all boots are like this,there would have been no people struggling to buy boots that can keep feet clean,and there would have been no people saying "life is unfair" for no matter how much money they have there is no such available product that would identify the gap between can affords and less fortunates.

I am not terrified at all when i feel myself drowning deeper,the coldness of the soil soothes me,it gives me warmth enough to make myself so comfortable.. But...i dont want to be lost just like this,i want somebody to find out of how hard it is to get there, where and how had i been before settling this juncture.. For perhaps,if it will come from other mouths the trail of my adventure,maybe then they will learn to appreciate it and leave a worth-satisfying compliments while im gone... However, of how far and long people will discover my own trail and reach the place i love most,that thing i also have no knowldege at all.. Wishing someday,somehow,they will realize that i am not a liar after all.. Just that i have been so silent because i dont want to ignite the burdens they have as they hear my sigh of agony...

..the wind beneath my wings...(nanay,happy mother's day)

"PILAY PAYAD SA UNGGOY?"...this is my mom's popular quote..she had never been to school,never known any philosopher,never read any books on how to be successful in life,never taught how to cope up the trend of survival...yet she was...she is...but the definite description is...she has been so tough and smart for handling seven innocent lives now hugely settled with different titles of degrees..Yes,for others,earning a diploma,by all means is no big deal for them for their family paid it off from their very own foundation,but, we have been stabilized by our parents from a scrap...turned to be a valuable scrap..a scrap that could let people keep it in a treasure box.

She used to be so harsh,molded us with her iron hand..well how could you expect a child to grow up so sweet when her birth marked the end of her parents?..she was raised up with her granny who happened to live during the Spanish era..All her life,she longs to be cuddled by hands who brought her to reality but she missed it..a long wanted dream never come to reality..however she was given seven bodies to be cuddled for the rest of her life.
At an early age,the moment she learned to wright her own name and read the abc,she stopped stopped schooling yet worked instead,thinking it would be so shameful to let her granny sustain her existence.she was so eager to make a. Difference for herself believing that a monkey has only two small palms so it won't take ages and effort to fill those palms with things that a monkey has envisaged...
There is nothing in her life that one can really appreciate of,but among the people I've met ,only her whom i take my hat off,untangle my sandals,set aside my scarf and gloves and walk barefootedly, holding her hands with mine,whose hands are damaged by all the hardworking to put us far beyond her dreams.,and wave her hand to the public..."this is my foundation who always ask ask 'pilay payad sa unggoy?"..

The silhuette

It's there again..it keeps on coming back nowadays..but it had been silent for that long until one night I was horrified with a loud shriek..I got up suddenly from a very deep sleep..I heard slight tapping of fingers in my door..I was so hesitant..but what if my hesitation would Make the situation worst..with a trembling hand i turned the knob but..oh holies!..everything was dark..but I felt a cold substance on my right foot,somewhat sticky..I could feel someone's creeping,oh dear don't scare me..i wasn't born only to be scared by unseen things..A midsummer moonlight reflected on the mirror that caused me to see that familiar silhouette.,a silhuette I've been tracking to follow from the moment I lost it in the lagoon..a lagoon where we used to play and spent quality time together as we made that pair of sleeper from the shells we gathered from that lagoon..then the curtain moves..putting me back to reality..I hurriedly catch that wind passing by but it falls me on my knees..how could you be so cruel?.why for several times you came so abrupt and left me onthe air?do you ever know how does it feel to be left alone unanswered? Would you not care if not to listen but just to let me feel that you have been there just like silhuette does.

..of silence...

i could hear the wind blasted the glass window of my room but i couldnt stand..i just finished my lunch,i should be very energetic..i know i have to..it's another workload for a week but i feel so heavy..i have been feeling this i dont know for how long...what's up?..i always ask myself..."this is not new to you mercy.this has been with you long before the doctors confirmed it.."..
i am so sick of watching bundles of medicines..piles of transcription receipts...even i am paralyzed of keeping my medical check ups..so what are these for?..is it really the hormonal imbalanced  that bothers me,keeping me awake all night?..or the effect of having this imbalance?...rather,deeper than this scientific explanation of my unpredictable mood?...after all..these are all excuses..a tangible explanation of despair..
i cant help myself to reminisce how was i?..had i been comfortable and secured before? why no matter how i keep myself uploaded with things i should have,i still end up like going nowhere?..i dont understand..and i have never been understood,but who cares?..i also dont care...the only thing i matter is i dont care...why?...can you tell me why?
i have been dreaming for a simple living...but that simplicity brought me to any different places.. letting me realize that it's not simple after all...why do  people fail to notice that like the girl in the 'bfgf fries' mcdonald advertisement said:"simple lang naman gusto ko, gusto ko lang naman yang fries sa mcdo eh"...ganun lang sana...sana...